Popularity is one of the things which plagues us as a society, and as a community here on Xanga, on the internet in general, and certainly in the real world. Everybody wants to be popular. So I thought I would list the 5 ways I have found in my own research which makes people popular.

1. Attack everybody.

Who said popularity had to be positive? Sometimes, negative is the way to go. Look at that one guy a while back on Xanga who was copying other peoples posts. He was blasted by everyone, but  he was still popular. Hundreds of people commented on his posts to tell him how much he sucked.  Instant Xangalebrity was achieved! So many people commented on that guys posts. He was a genius. They were appalled at his audacity, incensed at his insensitivity, and covetous of his cajones.

2. Give the perception that you are being attacked by everyone.

Oftentimes, those that do this are hardly attacked by anyone, but in order to be popular, they must feed this perception. And so ever negative comment they receive, they blow entirely out of proportion and spend 25 days discussing it. People like martyrs. If you can successfully convince people that you are being attacked by everyone around you, people will rally behind you no matter what you do. People like to feel like they’re pursuing justice, so they will defend you to the death. It’s also important to make sure you appear strong in the face of all this unnecessary cruelty and hate that is being spewed toward you – even if it’s just one sentence out of a 3 paragraph comment that you feel you can exaggerate.

3. Be a little emo bitch.

Liitle Emo Bitches are the best. These are the people who blog every day about cutting and suicide and crying their way through their broken blood stream of angst and sadness filled with vipers tears on a warm summers day with alligator pumps and a shiv made from their shattered dreams. People will react one of two ways to this. They will either pity them, or rip on them. Either one works. Like I said in number one – who said popularity had to be positive? Go for it. Write your best lame-ass emo poetry. It will do wonders for your Xangalebrity status.

4. Blog about sex (this one only works for the ladies).

I enjoy reading our sex Bloggers here on Xanga, don’t get me wrong, they rock. But let’s face it – they’re cheating, and here’s why. SerenaDante and Snippie are both hawt and they both have fuck-off attitudes and they write about awesome sex stuff like how to use a kiwi and a jar of apple butter and how that will make you have like, 80 orgasms. It’s awesome. Women who blog about sex should not be this hawt. They should be in their 60‘s, right at the point where their boobs are so flat that you‘re not quite sure if they‘re a dude or not. It’s unfair. I challenge a balding, fat, hairy dude to try and blog about sex and get that much attention. It is so damned unfair. (I’m kidding people)

5. Make lists

People like lists. Nice, neat, organized, informative lists. They are catchy. People like things they can read in a jiffy in a very thorough fashion. If all your blogs consist of lists, you will be popular.

There you go, folks. Do one of these 5, or combine them even, and you will achieve instant Xangalebrity status within a month. Guaranteed*

*DISCLAIMER: I am not to be held liable if this plan fails.

Nothing says ‘The Internet’ like good, old-fashioned drama.

Seriously people, Satire, Sarcasm, and Parody are the things which inspire me. Nothing gets me more than someone who can lay it on so thick that people can’t tell if they’re being serious or not. I love people who can write like that.

I think people need to be less concerned about their tribe. ‘Ohhh, I was an albino Jew from Australia who cooks Mexican food with rice and pork chops, so anyone who makes fun of my people is a horrible dirty bitchstard!’

That’s right. I just combined the words ‘bitch’ and ‘bastard.’

Seriously kids, relax. Xanga is Xanga, and the internet is something which you can step away from at any moment. It doesn’t run your life.

And go check out Krissy_Cole’s latest post. http://krissy-cole.xanga.com/697360151/open-letter-to-the-xanga-community/

Genius.

So I was reading this post from a rec: http://www.xanga.com/Blue__Summer/696612528/submission-is-a-dirty-word/

And it got me to thinking – what is happiness?

Aristotle believed that happiness is the end goal of humanity. The ‘telos’, or end goal of mankind is to be happy and to seek happiness. Happiness to him was not self-gratification, it was a virtuous life, although he readily admits that Happiness is a term which is largely in dispute as to its meaning.

But it’s interesting…the virtuous life. He was such a brilliant man. He speaks of virtue in terms of those things which we as a society most highly praise, and I think he might believe that somehow we are hard-wired to praise and revere certain things over others. The mean between the extremes is a very big part of the virtuous life…the mean between brashness and cowardice, for instance, is courage, and a courage is a virtuous action, virtue makes us happy, therefore, being a courageous person in your life is one way to be happy. And he does that with many other virtues – pride, temperance, generosity, truthfulness, etc. Fascinating. Nichomachean Ethics is a must read.

Anyway, the point being that who are we to say what happiness really is? Aristotle had his own definition, and certainly many people become happy by living by Aristotles definition of happiness. But suppose a woman wants to live her life in submission to her husband as defined by that featured post on revlife? So what? Why does it matter? Some people find happiness and fulfillment by sitting at home watching TV and cheetos all day long. And as long as they are not taking from or harming me and mine, why do I care? It’s the same argument people make against gay marriage – it bothers them, so they don’t want it to happen. But my question is always why do you give a shit? You shouldn’t. It’s their life. I can believe what I want about whether being gay is a sin or not, but ultimately, it’s my own belief, and if they want to be gay and have the same benefits and rights as a straight couple, why not? If that makes them happy, and they’re not harming anyone, why not let them?

And in the same way, if this woman in the revlife post finds meaning and happiness from submission to her husband, why does it matter to you? It takes all sorts, after all.

Hi,My name is Amina from Sudan, i am new to this site.
Your profile interests and i would like to get to know you much better.
I am a pretty african lady who is searching for an honest foreign partner who will help me and come to your country and invest.
Please do write and tell me about yourself?
My private e-mail address is ( amina1_khalifa@yahoo.com )
Thank you once again and i will tell you more about my plan to come and invest in your country when i receive your reply.
With all my love,
Amina.

Dear Amina from Sudan:

If by profile, you mean penis, then I am quite flattered. Thankyou. Although, I must admit, your vagina certainly interests me, and I would be glad to help you ‘come’ anywhere you like. I am very interested in ‘investing’ in you, as long as ‘investing in you’ means sticking my penis in your vagina.

About me: I’m a young, sexually proficient young man with questionable motives. My diet consists almost entirely of Spaghetti-O’s and Cheese Whiz. On Mondays and Thursdays I audit the local colleges biology classes, trolling the schools for freshman girls who are sexually unaware, and need me to awaken their fire. This obviously leads to some trouble once I break their hearts(I suffer from a psychological condition where I am only attracted to virgins). So in addition to a sexual partner(assuming you’re a virgin), I am also looking for a full-time bodyguard to ward off these attempts on my life.

Once again, I would love to hear more about your plan to ‘come.’ If you own a webcam, you can set it up and show me your armpits (I like to hump them. Whether the girl is a virgin or not in these circumstances is irrelevant). Would you be ok with shaving them in the shape of a beer bottle? I have this fantasy with armpits and beer…ooh, don’t get me started!)

I wish you all the best, Amina from Sudan. Write back soon!

With all my love and a slightly exaggerated penis size,
Rob

I swear, if I keep getting these, they could take care of my blog posts from here to the end of the internet.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/03/10/veterans.health.insurance/index.html

Unbelievable.

I get a job at a construction site, and I get injured as a part of my job, they have to pay for it. But a soldier who gets injured in the line of duty? He doesn’t have to pay for it?

What. The. Fuck.

This better not happen.

You want to save money? Get us the fuck out of there. But don’t shit on our troops.

I received this message today in my inbox, from ‘Lilian500.’

“Interested in you,
My name is Miss. lilian, i saw your profile today in www.xanga.com and became interested in you, i will also like to know more about you, i want you to reply my mail to my email address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom i am and tell you more things about me. Here is my email address (liliancota0@yahoo.com) i believe we can start from here so am waiting for your reply to my email address above. Remember that distance or tribe does not matter but love matters a lot in life.
Yours new found friend,
Miss lilian. liliancota0@yahoo.com”

Dear Miss Lilian,

Thank you for your kind note. I would love to know ‘whom’ you are. Unfortunately for you though, I am unavailable at the moment, due to a Nigerian prince needing my help to smuggle some money out of the country. I am also buying some Ocean-front property in Kansas this week. However, once I am done, I would be happy to get to know whom you are!

I must warn you, I like to get at least a blowjob on the first date, and I don’t date women over 35. Also, I never pay for meals – I always go halfsies, however, since I’ll be picking you up by cab I’ll supply 65% of the car fare, no more. If we become better friends and I start picking you up in my car, I’ll expect gas money each week from you. My idea of a perfect date is watching a horror movie. I like to have sex at least 5 times during each movie, because all that bloodshed makes me horny.

Also, I do a lot of cocaine, and if my Nigerian prince deal goes well, I’ll probably end up spending all of it on hoes and blow. I hope you’re open to the possibility of a 3-some, maybe even a 4 or 5-some.

Your new found friend,
Rob.

Why do people feel the need to preface their controversial comments with this statement? What troubles me even more is that sometimes, I find myself using it to cover my ass. I don’t like it.

Does prefacing any controversial statement with that phrase make it ok? Say I was on someones blog, and said “Hey, this is just my opinion, but Hitler was right…Jews suck, Nazis are awesome, black people are stupid, Asian’s should be shot in the head, gays are serial rapists and the KKK is very beneficial to our society. Once again, that’s just my opinion…just expressing my opinion over here, no need to get angry…” Would that make it ok?

Hell no it wouldn’t. I would get blasted, as I should be. So why do we as a society feel the need to preface our statements with ‘it’s just my opinion’? We know it’s your opinion. Unless you’re qualified to comment on an issue, EVERYTHING you say is an opinion. Which is fine. But it’s like we feel entitled to not be attacked or criticized once those words have left our lips or keyboards. Everyone’s opinion is not equal. Some people are in fact morons, and their opinions deserve to be mocked, ridiculed, or torn to bits and pieces.

And even on less controversial statements than the mock one above. Stuff like gay rights, or the death penalty. All valid issues, with perfectly good and valid points coming from both sides of the issue. But I’ve seen and heard people go into a discussion, preface with ‘it’s just my opinion, but…’, express their opinion, and then get flustered, angry, or upset when others criticize or attack their opinions. Just because it’s an opinion doesn’t mean it’s in a tiny bubble that nobody can get to.

I don’t get it. Why can’t people just have the balls to come out and say what they mean, and be ok with getting criticized and attacked for it?

And now it’s time for me to once again throw some common sense into the ring here.

If you seriously are spending your time whining, crying, bitching, moaning, complaining, hating, yelling, railing about successful Xangans, you obviously have a tiny e-peener. Now, my e-peener is big. And fluffy. Like a jumbo-sized batch of cotton candy. Mmm mmm good.

Now, to those successful Xangans who keep talking about the people who are whining, crying, bitching, moaning, complaining, hating, yelling, railing about you…I have one question.

SERIOUSLY???

You run a successful Xanga website. Your e-peener should already be big and fluffy. Much like mine. You don’t need to rally your troops behind you every time someone has a problem with you. In fact, the bbbest option for everyone involved is for you to just ignore it. I enjoy your posts. I enjoy your actual posts. And when you spend your time on Xanga posting about people who dislike you, it takes time away from your good posts. Not everyone is going to like you, and everyone knows that the only reason haters hate is because they want attention. You are giving it to them. The internet + anonymity + idiot = asshole. The internet + anonymity + idiot + attention =  asshole who will never quit bothering you. If you want to respond in a rational way to accusations they’ve made against you, fine. But ZOMG LET’S GET NUKE THE BASTARDS!!! is not a proper way to respond. You don’t need to rally your base. They already like you, otherwise, they wouldn’t be subscribed to you.

Back to the hate people. Yes, I realize that I am being slightly hypocritical in this post by making a post about haters. But trust me, as discussed previously, I have a big e-peener. I can handle it.

I like Xanga. But for realz, you people can be like a bunch of 14 year olds sometimes. But then again, the internet tends to make people like that. All I’ve gotten for the past 3 or so days from many of the good Xangans is anti-hate posts. Frankly, I don’t give a shit about haters. I do, however, give a shit if I don’t get to read a decent post from Xangans that I like. It makes me sad. Plus, it makes my e-peener shrink. So please, for the sake of my e-peener…ignore the haters.

A disclaimer before I begin:

I am a Christian…I grew up in an awful church environment. Backstabbing, sedition,  church splits, lies, hypocrisy, etc. So my opinion of religious ceremonies, etc., is probably jaded. And I in NO way wish to demean or ridicule anyone’s beliefs in this post.

Lent has always bothered me. And it’s probably because I don’t fully understand it…so if anyone reading this practices Lent, please try to explain it to me.

Firstly, there’s Mardi-Gras. Loud, drunken partying, and then…Lent. I guess my issue here is the need to ‘get it out of my system.’ I’ve never felt that need. I’ve always been a person who, if I think I need to change something or stop doing something, I’ll stop then and there. I don’t wait for New Years, don’t wait for graduation, Lent, etc., I just stop it then and there. So why is the day/week leading up to Lent a get-it-all-out type of deal? Why do people need to indulge themselves right before they deprive themselves?

So, for Lent, people traditionally give up certain things…coffee, chocolate, cheeseburgers, texting, etc. My question to those who practice it is this – is that permanent, or does it just last the 40 days? Because everyone I know has always just given it up for the 40 days and then gone back to eating/drinking/doing whatever they gave up…and I don’t understand it. Why did you decide to give up something that is essentially trivial, like texting for example, instead of something more concrete, like, I am going to focus extra hard on stopping this sin I’ve been struggling with, and I’m going to spent more time praying/reading my Bible, etc? And when you give up something like texting for the 40 days…if you felt it was something you needed to give up during Lent, why not just stop it entirely for the rest of your life?

I dunno. It confuses me. If anyone could help me out here, I’d appreciate it.

Later folks.

I received this message from several people tonight:

“Copy and paste this message and send it to all of your friends and subscribers to John know how much you love him.”

It’s interesting…in EVERY one, the message was exactly the same…no one seemed to notice the error, they just copied and pasted. “subscribers to John know.” See how there should have been a ‘let’ in there? People are funny.