May 19, 2009
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Decisions Decisions
So I typically don’t like to wrote overly serious or overly personal blogs, but it’s 12:15AM as I’m writing this and I tend to get very introspective late at night when I’ve had a lot of caffeine.
I’m I’ve been out of High School for over a year now. I decided to take a year off and get my shit together before going to college. I worked, read more, wrote more, etc. I took a long time to finally decide where I wanted to go to college…where I felt I should go. I’m a big believer in ‘fate.’ I like the concept that some things are meant to happen, or supposed to happen and if they don’t, your life can take a very different path. But the crappy part of that belief is that if you choose the wrong way, your life might suck.
And that’s where I’m at now. I could meet my future wife/best friend/business partner/etc., at the college I’m attending. But what if I chose the wrong one? My mind has been in overdrive coming up with reasons why not to take the path I’m taking. But to be brutally honest with myself, I think I’m just scared of doing something different. My siblings have both gone to a different college…where my mother really pushed for me to go. A place I think/thought I shouldn’t go to, through prayer and consideration. That would have been the easy path. Instead, I chose to go to a place with a GREAT program with what I’m studying (philosophy), but even more so, it’s completely different than the paradigm that my life has revolved around for my entire life. It’s not comfortable. It’s not ‘safe.’ But I can’t freaking wait.
It feels empowering to know that I’m going somewhere and doing something and following a path that hasn’t already been laid out for me. I’m blazing my own trail – becoming my own man. And it’s not that I feel a need to rebel. I’ve never felt that need. My family was great, and rebelling against them and their values would be foolish and wrong. But I still need to at least try something different. I need a change.
So as I said, my mind keeps coming up with reasons why not. And honestly, yea, I’m really scared. My life for the next few years is going to be very different. It’s going to be new. But I think I’d be missing out on an opportunity if I took the easy way out. Easy isn’t always the best…and certainly for personal growth, easy is detrimental.
It’s gonna be hard. But I can’t wait. I’m ready.
Comments (3)
Definitely don’t take the easy way out.. Life’s too short, take risks!
It seems that you’re slowly break off from what is normal around you and seeking something new which is why–I think–you feel it’s not safe or comfortable yet excited that it’s going to happen. Go with that feeling, explore new interesting things. Just remember: don’t get too lost in the new that you forget the old.
I’m excited for you
Sounds like you’re going to be in for a lot of fun and growing 