March 4, 2009

• Dear Miss Lilian…

  I received this message today in my inbox, from ‘Lilian500.’

  “Interested in you,
  My name is Miss. lilian, i saw your profile today in www.xanga.com and became interested in you, i will also like to know more about you, i want you to reply my mail to my email address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom i am and tell you more things about me. Here is my email address (liliancota0@yahoo.com) i believe we can start from here so am waiting for your reply to my email address above. Remember that distance or tribe does not matter but love matters a lot in life.
  Yours new found friend,
  Miss lilian. liliancota0@yahoo.com”

  Dear Miss Lilian,

  Thank you for your kind note. I would love to know ‘whom’ you are. Unfortunately for you though, I am unavailable at the moment, due to a Nigerian prince needing my help to smuggle some money out of the country. I am also buying some Ocean-front property in Kansas this week. However, once I am done, I would be happy to get to know whom you are!

  I must warn you, I like to get at least a blowjob on the first date, and I don’t date women over 35. Also, I never pay for meals – I always go halfsies, however, since I’ll be picking you up by cab I’ll supply 65% of the car fare, no more. If we become better friends and I start picking you up in my car, I’ll expect gas money each week from you. My idea of a perfect date is watching a horror movie. I like to have sex at least 5 times during each movie, because all that bloodshed makes me horny.

  Also, I do a lot of cocaine, and if my Nigerian prince deal goes well, I’ll probably end up spending all of it on hoes and blow. I hope you’re open to the possibility of a 3-some, maybe even a 4 or 5-some.

  Your new found friend,
  Rob.

  • 7:47 pm
  • 18 Comments